I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
