So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
