2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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