Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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