I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
