thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
