it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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