My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
