omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
