I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
