So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
