How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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