In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
