He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
