I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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