I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
