I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
