So drunk its hurt
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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