Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
