it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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