Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I still have a little drunk in my system
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
