She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
