Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
