dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
