Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
