Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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