It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did I show you my penis last night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
