i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
