Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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