Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
