Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
