first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
