My boss' voice literally gives me gas
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
