My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
