Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
