when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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