is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
