Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I could make wine with my vomit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
