i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
