He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize