he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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