it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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