Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
