So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
