You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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