So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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