I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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