I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
