Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
