trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
