I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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