If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Randomize
