Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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