Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
