three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You're like the curious george of whores
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
