you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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