I seem to have left my pride at pride
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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