My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
