please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
