if you like me you must not know who I am
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
