I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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