ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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