toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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