I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
