You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
