so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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