I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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